Part 3: How to Get Married After Age 50
Don’t assume that you don’t stand a chance to get married because you are older than 50. I was and I did. Yes, I got married after age 50, and I am living happily ever after with my wonderful husband. In Part 1, I advised that first you must decide that you really want to get married, and then you must let your friends, family and acquaintances know that you want to get married. You also must rid your life of people who are taking up your time and energy. In addition, you also must date (yes, get out there and date) and be “girly” at times regardless of your age and personality. Most importantly, you must be patient, for finding the right mate may take a little time. Here in Part 3 of How to Get Married After Age 50, I offer three final tips on how to find love and marriage at this important time in your life.
No. 7: Watch Your Tone
I am shocked at how some women talk to their man. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been with someone; you should still treat your partner with courtesy and respect. You don’t talk to a man as though he works for you. You don’t order him around. You don’t call him out of his name. Instead, you make him feel like a KING by what you say to him and how you say it. Men appreciate this more than you can imagine.
No. 8: Ask For What You Want
I wanted to be married again. It is a conversation I had with my husband early on when I started dating him. If he were not open to the concept of being married, why would I waste my time with him? Why would YOU? If your guy tells you he doesn’t want to be your boyfriend, how do you expect to convert him into your husband? Spending time with someone who does not want to be married keeps you from meeting someone who very well may be out there looking for you. You are simply wasting valuable time trying to convert the unconvertible. You should focus your time and energy on those men who want to be gotten. Life is short. If you’re over 35, or like me over 50, it is even shorter. I asked my husband up front (about the third date) if he was open to being married again. I shared that we could try dating for up to two years. By then we would know if we were meant to be, and interested in moving in the same direction – toward marriage. But after the two-year mark, all bets would be off. Sounds cold? Maybe. But he could never say I had not been clear on my expectations up front.
No. 9: Know When To Fold ‘Em
Your value and allegiance, until you say “I do,” should be to yourself. My husband was 87 days beyond our agreed upon two-year expiration date when I decided to honor the decision I’d made to myself to get married. It happened the day I learned that Vanity, Prince’s protégé, had died. In my day Vanity was the “it” girl. She wasn’t that much older than me. And She. Was. Dead. It was 6 a.m. and I was in the airport about to leave town when I heard the news. I texted my man immediately: “VANITY DIED! It makes me wonder what we’re waiting for. I love you and want to marry YOU. If you don’t want the same thing, I think you should release me back into the wild, so I can date other people before I’m too old to find someone else.” I didn’t even blink before I sent that message. While I loved my man, I loved myself too. So honoring what was important to me was important to me. I’ve watched too many women stay in relationships year after year, hoping the man pops the question soon. Why should he? Your mama told you there is no reason a man should buy a cow when he’s getting the milk for free, right? And you know it’s true. But you stay. Indefinitely. Until one day you break up and three months later he’s engaged to someone else. I wasn’t going out like that this time around. So when Vanity died I sent the text. Did he like it? Nope. Did he realize I was serious? Let’s just say my husband is a very smart man. He spent that week looking for engagement rings and proposed as soon as I returned home from that trip.
You can’t be afraid to go after what you want. The years are going to go by whether you get what you want or not. And I’m here to tell you that it’s pure bliss having your cake and eating it too when you’re married to the one you love.