Ask Dr. Karen: Does My Man Have The Right To Check My Phone?

Dear Dr. Karen:

I am a 30-year-old woman who is currently dating a 36-year-old man that I’m really starting to care about. The problem is he doesn’t trust me. He came over to my house the other night for dinner. We were having a good time until I had to go into the kitchen to check if everything was ready. When I returned he was looking at my phone. He asked me who some of the men were that had called me. I told them they were just friends that I’ve known for years. This started an argument. He accused me of seeing other men. That was the end of dinner and he left. I feel that what he did was an invasion of my privacy.  

~ Violated

Dear Violated:

You have every right to feel violated. Your privacy was invaded and he crossed the line.  It seems that your little prince charming may have trust issues from past relationships. He may have been with someone who proved his then suspicions to be true. This resulted in pain that never healed. If you want to continue to see this person then you will have to be patient. Let him know that you understand that he has trust issues and that you would like to work with him to resolve them. Ask him what things you can do help him do to feel more secure in your relationship. We all carry some Samsonite (baggage) from our past. Fear, insecurities, childhood trauma, and disappointments are a few of the emotional weight we carry around. No matter how much we may try to bury them or think we have put them behind us, they still manage to resurface especially in intimate relationships. Once we start to talk about it then the healing can begin. Hope you didn’t waste that dinner and you were able to call a friend with a listening ear.

This is indeed happily ever after for Sherrell and Alfred--congratulations!

Dr. Karen R. January is an expert in male-female relationships.  Her book, “Lessons Mama Never Taught Me,” profiles 10 women and the mistakes they made in parenting, love and life.  It can be purchased at Please send your questions to Dr. Karen at

 Visit her website:  FB: drkayj  Twitter: @drkjanuary

Disclaimer: The advice offered in this column is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice. Dr. Karen January and beGeorgeous are not responsible for the outcome or results of following any advice in any given situation. You, and only you, are completely responsible for your actions. Due to the large number of letters received, there is no guarantee that your question will be published.

LoveDr. Karen January